Many of us have experienced the pressure and probing questions that come with deciding whether or not to have children.
In today’s society, there’s often an unspoken expectation: get a good job, find a partner, marry, and have children. As a result, couples who choose not to have kids often find themselves having to explain their decision to others. People who don’t understand this choice may ask intrusive and personal questions that are none of their business.
Such questions can feel deeply uncomfortable, especially when they ask why someone has chosen not to become a parent.
Sadly, choosing not to have children can sometimes be seen as selfish, but when couples who are viewed as “different” decide to have children, the definition of selfishness shifts quickly…
Over 20 years ago, Patti White from California received surprising and mixed news: her daughter Lisa, who has Down syndrome, was pregnant.
Down syndrome is a chromosomal condition that causes various degrees of physical and mental challenges. However, many people with Down syndrome are capable of leading independent lives, holding jobs, and taking care of themselves.
What people often overlook is that the chance of two individuals with Down syndrome having a child together is much lower compared to other couples, as it is rare for men with Down syndrome to father children.
When Patti learned that Lisa was expecting a baby, she was taken aback but fully supported her daughter’s decision to keep the child. At 29 years old, Lisa was living independently in her own apartment and worked full-time at a local Goodwill store, having been living on her own for 11 years.
“She got along with everyone. She could do everything except work the cash register. She liked it there, and they liked her,” Patti shared in a 2016 interview with Voice.
Lisa had been in a relationship with a man who also had Down syndrome. Though they lived separately, they were in a committed relationship and discussed topics like birth control and safe sex.
“At the time, all the books said men with Down syndrome were sterile, and people told us not to worry because they couldn’t get pregnant,” Patti recalled.
But fate had a different plan.
After Patti returned from lunch at work, she checked her voicemail and heard an excited message from Lisa: “Hi mum, I just wanted you to know you’re going to be a GRANDMOTHER!” Patti said, “My mind went in all directions. How could this be? Her boyfriend has Down syndrome!”
Outsiders criticized Lisa’s decision to keep the child, labeling it irresponsible and selfish, and questioned whether she could be a good mother. But Patti and the rest of the family stood by Lisa, offering unwavering support.
Lisa had a typical pregnancy in many ways. She attended childbirth classes, had a pregnancy coach, and experienced the usual pregnancy symptoms.
“It was hard for me to walk around when I was pregnant. I was working five days a week, had morning sickness, and wasn’t feeling good. I felt like I was going to throw up,” Lisa said.
However, her pregnancy was considered high-risk, and her son, Nic, was born four weeks early. Like his parents, Nic was also born with Down syndrome.
Nic’s father was present at his birth, and the couple initially tried to live together after the birth. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out, and Nic’s father tragically passed away when Nic was just 5 years old.
Now 24 years old, Nic is a healthy and handsome young man, raised by his mother and grandmother, both of whom couldn’t be prouder of him.
Having children is a risk for everyone, but Lisa’s situation was especially vulnerable, as many people held strong opinions about her choice to become a mother.
Lisa even lost touch with some of her friends because their parents feared Lisa might influence their daughters to have children too.
Ultimately, these opinions didn’t matter to Nic, who has thrived despite the criticism. He’s a college graduate and holds deep respect for the women who raised him. The person he has become today is thanks to them.
“I have two moms. My mom, Lisa, is my greatest future in my life. She gave me life, she gave me love, and she’s always wonderful and beautiful,” Nic said, according to Fabiosa.
In 2016, Patti shared a touching update on Facebook, along with a picture of a happy Lisa and Nic:
“This is my daughter, Lisa, clowning with her son, Nic. They both have Down syndrome. This year is a landmark for all of us. She will turn 50 and he will turn 20. I’m older than dirt, but so proud of us. Our goal when she became pregnant was for her to know him and have a relationship with him. There were many ups to their ‘Downs,’ but after all these years, we can honestly say they have overcome the odds and share tremendous love for each other and their small little family unit. (She is a single mom),” Patti wrote.
This mother-and-son duo has spent decades proving the value of individuals with Down syndrome. Patti, Lisa, and Nic’s story offers important lessons and insights, helping others make informed decisions.
Their journey is an inspiring one, deserving of our respect and admiration. Please share if you agree.
